You gotta have faith

At a summer camp on Sanibel Island, where the pine needles crunched underfoot and we smacked Double Bubble and talked about the start of school even though it was summer, we once came on shore for one of those trust-building exercises adored by camp counselors and corporate executives. Ours went like this: a single person would climb to the top of a picnic table, turn her back on the kids below, go straight as a board, and fall backwards. The campers on the ground would interlock arms and create a human safety net. It was an act of faith, falling blindly into the hands of people you barely know. It required trust, confidence and — more than anything — the ability to let go. There was a certain core belief involved, the kind that trusts everything will pan out. Only a handful of kids climbed onto the table. I wasn't one of them.

Faith in other people is hard. Faith in the world is harder. Many of us struggle with the belief that everything will work out. When it comes to relationships, in particular, we rarely have what it takes to wait for what's right. We rush into sub-par relationships, taking the "bird in the hand" approach when we'd be better served waiting for the "two in the bush."

I am guilty of this faithlessness. In fact, I'm a serial user of "placeholders," those people to whom we commit for the short term, the ones that fill the relationship space until someone better comes along. The truth is, I'm a sucker for date nights, and I hate spending Saturday evenings alone. In the past, I've been quick to settle for someone less than stellar just to fill my social calendar. Which didn't seem so bad at first. Before I knew it, though, my placeholders had become my full-time gig, and dating felt vaguely like an obligation. Those relationships sucked the air out of my emotional waiting room, leaving no space for the real thing if it did come along.

George Michael, wise in the ways of love if not public restrooms, offered this bit of wisdom in his pop song, "Faith":

"Well I guess it would be nice If I could touch your body I know not everybody Has got a body like you

"But I've got to think twice Before I give my heart away And I know all the games you play Because I play them too"

He wraps up with this thought, "Well I need someone to hold me, but I'll wait for something more. Yes, I've gotta have faith."

We all need someone to hold us, but

using placeholders is the easy way out. If we want love — real, true love — then we have to stop wasting our time with partners who aren't worth it. We need to hold out for the real deal. When we do find that person, we'll know he was worth the wait. Believing that is the greatest act of faith.

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