Trust-building on the paintball field

It's not every weekend I get to wear a facemask. But this past Friday night I not only slipped into a black plastic faceguard, but I strapped on a chest shield, too. Somewhere between stepping into protective coveralls and checking my weaponry, I started to wonder if I wasn't in over my head.

After all, it was my first time on a paintball course and only the second time I'd handled a weapon. I'm a subscriber to certain beliefs — the kind that say ladies don't spit, cuss or shoot — and I thought it would take an act of Congress to get me on an artillery field. As it turns out, it took a man in uniform.

A commander in the U.S. military, the Captain sports the kind of soldierly virtues that make women swoon. He's kind, honest, and courteous. He always has a clean haircut and polished shoes. He opens doors, carries bags, and buys dinner. Did I mention his broad shoulders and ripped biceps? When a man like that suggests a special date night, a girl like me doesn't say no. Even when it's paintball.

As we slipped into our protective gear, the Captain gave me instructions. "Stay close behind," he said. "I'll take the fire for you. Then, you cover me as a I circle around."

All that warfare talk was mystifying, but I listened and trusted him implicitly. When he showed me how to load my weapon, the best place to carry ammunition, how to crouch low and where to aim, I paid attention. Not because he's a man — a lot of men give orders and I rarely pay attention — and not just because he's in the military. It's because his character exudes trust.

In these troubled relationship times, we rarely cross someone that makes us feels that way. In fact, it's usually the opposite. Our cable news programs feed us stories of the latest affairs: Mark Sanford, John Edwards, and now even Bernie Madoff. We shake our heads and send up a chorus of

"Uh-huhs" and "There goes another one," but truthfully we're not shocked by this bad behavior. In fact, we've seen it so much that it's begun to translate to our own relationships. Screening a partner's e-mail messages is now common practice. And scanning their cell phone while they're in the shower? Second nature.

In the compendium of dating advice, we need more emphasis on trust: How to look for it in others, how to develop it in ourselves, and how to build it in our relationships. We've armed ourselves with doubt for too long.

On the paintball field Friday night, I heard the pop-pop-pop of rapid fire before I felt the sting of a bullet on my neck. I cussed (two out of three in one night) and headed for the safe zone to watch the match play out. My neck throbbed where the bullet had nailed me and my hands shook from the post-adrenaline buzz, but I smiled wide beneath the facemask when my gun-toting, mask-wearing hunk of a date led us to victory. "I will follow you into any battle," I thought.

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