'Mom's the Word' a bit too much like motherhood

Once, on a commuter train in Chicago, I was trapped behind a gaggle of new moms who proceeded — for the entire length of the ride — to discuss the content of their children's diapers in great graphic detail.

They held their conversation with such loud glee they almost sounded like a bunch of 8 year-old boys, or beerfueled frat boys enjoying a scatological conversation.

"Mom's the Word," Theatre Conspiracy's current show about motherhood, isn't quite as bad, but it did have moments where I felt I'd definitely reached my limit in hearing about bodily fluids.

The theater's advertising calls it "The mother of all comedies!!" and says that its "anecdotes and vignettes... remove any rose-colored memories of motherhood."

Remove rose-colored memories indeed. This is the kind of show that could convince you to rush out and get your tubes tied — or snipped, depending upon your gender!

According to this play, motherhood reduces your brain to mush, eliminates your social and cultural life, destroys your sex life and deprives you of sleep, humor and personality.

COURTESY PHOTO "Mom's the Word" is Theatre Conspiracy's first production in the Foulds Theatre since moving out of the facility in early 2008. "Mom's the Word" was written by five women: Robin Nichol, Alison Williams, Linda Carson, Jill Daum and Barbara Pollard. The large number of contributors means the show has variety, but its quality is uneven.

But the five actors, all seen on the Theatre Conspiracy stage before — Tiffany Allen, Lauren Drexler, Joann Haley, Lisa Marie and Annie Wagner — turn in solid performances, even if the material they're working with isn't always the greatest.

The show is a mixture of monologues and scenes with the women all together or in duos.

Some are one-liners, some are throwaway scenes, but work. (For some reason, it's funny to see five grown women at a bus stop manically sing "The Wheels on the Bus Go 'Round and 'Round" at top volume.)

Ms. Drexler starts things off by reenacting the pain and joy of childbirth.

Ms. Allen is humorous as a mom who keeps telling her child no, only to have the little one throw the word back at her. She's also memorable as a mom who "swears like a sailor" and has to stop cold turkey, now that she has a child.

COURTESY PHOTO The cast of "Mom's the Word." The play is on stage at the Foulds Theatre at the Alliance for the Arts in Fort Myers. Ms. Haley, whose acting talent seems to noticeably grow from play to play, demonstrates her humorous chops as a mom finally relieved to find herself in the company of adults, talking directly to audience members.

Ms. Wagner's recounting of her panic when her little girl was lost didn't quite work for me, but she was note-perfect as a new mom with a premature infant fighting for his life in a hospital.

And Lisa Marie was, in turn, angry, pleading, wistful and always funny, in recurring scenes in which she writes letters to her husband to help him understand what her days are like.

Husbands, or dads, by the way, are noticeably absent from this play. They're mentioned here or there, but, to judge by these women, have very little to do with raising their own kids or relieving their wives' burdens.

Mothers still seem to do the monster share of raising kids, with little or no help from their husbands. The men don't cook or clean or give their kids a bath, and still expect to be serviced sexually.

No wonder the moms are so cranky.

Act I dragged, but Act II picked up, and actually includes a talking penis, which received the night's biggest laughs, and a clever and pointed scene involving a banana.

These scenes made me wish the playwrights had been more creative throughout in how they presented their material; some of the stories they relay may have been funny when told one-on-one, mom-to-mom, but lack dramatic weight on stage.

Some of the laughter from the audience

seemed to be simply laughs of recognition, not a reaction to funny material.

It's more a feeling of "I've been there too!" rather than "Gee, that's funny!"

An earlier Theatre Conspiracy production this season was more successful: "My First Time," in which four actors relayed true stories of people's first sexual experience. In that show, the actors portrayed different people, changing accent, stance, posture, speech patterns, mannerisms.

It wasn't clear in "Mom's the Word" whether we were in the company of the same five characters for the entire evening. The stories seemed to be different moms' stories, but with a few exceptions, the actors seemed to be the same characters from beginning to end.

If you're childless, it can be difficult to relate to the material. But being a parent is no guarantee you'll love "Mom's the Word" either; the parents I queried were evenly split in their enjoyment of the show, with some liking it and others not impressed.

Despite the unevenness of the material, director Jamie Carmichael has done an impressive job with casting, directing and staging. (For example, he has some nice moments with actors doing things in silhouette in the background during someone's monologue.) Props are minimal: flashlights, baby bottles, a musical triangle, a banana, a pair of pants and a sock puppet.

But a night with "Mom's the Word" seems a little too much like motherhood: long stretches of tedium interspersed with special moments that are all-toofew and fleeting.

If you go

>>What: "Mom's the Word" >>Where: Theatre Conspiracy at the Alliance for the Arts, 10091 McGregor Blvd., Fort Myers >>When: through June 13 >>Cost: $20 ($10 for students with ID) >>Info: Call 936-3239. Note that Theatre Conspiracy has returned to the Foulds Theatre at the Alliance for the Arts, its previous home.