Women seen as key to help men identify, deal with depression

Pity the men, for there is nothing manly about depression.

Every belief a man holds about his masculinity is attacked by depression — his physical strength, sexual prowess and ability to provide and protect. All the traits that our society says makes a man manly.

Worse, most men do not know what's hit them. The symptoms of depression in men are so different than in women that many men are emotionally blindsided.

If asking for directions is difficult, imagine asking for help with your feelings.

"There is a huge amount of stigma for men," said Michael Addis, head of the Men's Coping Project, a study funded by the National Institutes of Health. "Depression is seen as a personal weakness and a character flaw.

"A man's beliefs about manhood will affect how he experiences depression, how he expresses depression and his willingness to accept treatment," Addis said.

Addis was one of four experts who recently spoke to a crowd of mostly women at the annual luncheon of Hope for Depression, held at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Fla. The organization, just 2 years old, is the passion of philanthropist and socialite Audrey Gruss, whose mother suffered from depression.

Women play key role

Why talk about men and depression in a roomful of women?

Because men will often first talk to the women in their lives, and women "are the ones who help bring them into treatment," said Dr. Steven Roose, a Columbia University psychiatry professor. A survey sponsored by the American Academy of Family Physicians found that 78 percent of all married men who visited a doctor had been influenced to do so by their wives.

And while only half as many men as women are diagnosed with depression, men are four times more likely to commit suicide. Why? Men act quickly on their suicidal thoughts and use methods that are far more deadly, such as guns.

What are the symptoms of depression in men? Some mirror those seen in women: Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness.

Showing symptoms

However, men with depression also exhibit other symptoms that often go unrecognized as depression: violent or abusive behavior; inappropriate rage; escapist behavior, such as overwork or excessive sports; risky behavior, such as reckless driving; isolation and withdrawal.

As for the best way to broach the topic of depression with men, Addis shared tips that he and his researchers use: make it an informal conversation and sit beside, not across from the man. Do not use the word "depression" right away. Instead, slowly work it into the conversation.

"Many men don't have the vocabulary to talk about their inner emotional life," Addis said.