Bedposted

My friend Mike is getting divorced. It's no surprise, really, given today's relationship environment, but what is surprising is that it's his second divorce. From the same woman.

When I found out Mike had managed to patch things up with Rachel, I called to congratulate him. "How'd you pull that one off?" I asked.

"It's just like volleyball," he said. "Sometimes you get to call a do-over."

The do-over lasted less than six months. The next time I spoke to Mike —this time to commiserate on his recent divorce (part deux)—I asked why things had gone south the second time around. Despite all their efforts to the contrary, he told me, he and Rachel ran into the same problems they faced during the first marital attempt.

"Such as?"

"We just weren't having sex enough."

Yikes, I thought. Is that really grounds for divorce?

"I mean, if we're not going to do it more than a couple of times a week," he said, "that's just not enough for me."

At this point in the conversation, I had to cover the mouthpiece of the phone because I was laughing so hard. A couple of times a week isn't enough for him? Most guys should be so lucky. At least Mike isn't living in Japan, where a recent government study says Japanese couples are foregoing sex all together. In a story reported by Reuters in early November, more than a third of married couples surveyed by the Japan Planning Association said they had not had sex in over a month. Husbands blamed post-work fatigue, while wives cited the hassle of intercourse.

While I'm sure the Japanese study is accurate—37 percent is statistically significant, after all—I wonder, in Mike's case, how much is true and how much is a case of misremembering the facts. So often in relationships, we reconfigure the past to confirm the point we're making in the present.

How many men have I heard complain that relations were hot and heavy in the dating phase but dropped off after marriage? Too many. I've started to wonder if things were really as passionate as they say or if they aren't playing into the sex-starved-husband cliché. If I'm going to be sympathetic, I'll need proof.

Enter, bedposted.com. The Web site, which bills itself as "a personal Web application that will give you some insight into your sex life," is still in the beta phase, but individuals can sign up to take part in the initial trial. Once you log in, you enter the specs of your most recent encounter and answer questions like: What time did you start? and How long did it last? There's even a rating section (up to five stars). The site then keeps track of your experiences in an easy-tomonitor monthly chart.

For Mike, this would have been an invaluable tool. Instead of complaining abstractly that he wasn't getting enough, he could have provided factual documentation. Not that it would have saved his marriage, but at least he could have had more sympathy from his divorce attorney.

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