Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Running Time: 85 minutes
MPAA rating: PG

My grasp of Spanish is tenuous at best. I know a few words, and virtually all of them can be found on the drive-thru menu at Taco Bell. However, I do know one Spanish word that can be used to describe "Beverly Hills Chihuahua":

Ca-ca.

Man, does this movie stink. And I'm not sure who it was made for. After about 10 minutes, adults will find themselves trying to chew their own eyes out, and I don't see how any kid would sit still for this hour-and-a-half mess.

The story is about a pampered female Chihuahua named Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore), who lives in Beverly Hills with her owner Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis), the CEO of a cosmetics company.

Viv has to travel to Europe on a business junket, so she leaves Chloe with her niece Rachel (Piper Perabo). Rachel takes the dog along on a weekend trip to Mexico and forgets the dog when she leaves.

Chloe, stranded in Mexico, is captured by a guy who runs an underground dog-fighting club. There Chloe meets a German shepherd (voiced by Andy Garcia) who helps her escape. They are chased by a Doberman named El Diablo (Edward James Olmos) because the Mexican Michael Vick sees that Chloe was wearing a diamond collar and thinks he can ransom her.

Eventually, everyone ends up at an Aztec ruin populated by a pack of revolutionary Chihuahuas who spout revisionist history and perform Broadwaystyle dance routines.

Yeah. You read that right.

There is a Mayan calendar that says the end of the world will occur in 2012. After watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua," it's safe to say the Mayans were four years off.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.