The weirdo-American community

Police in Knoxville, Tenn., arrested Richard Smith, 25, in September after he called 911 from an air duct in the Knoxville Museum of Art. Smith told operators that he was "special agent 0-9-3-1" with the "United States Illuminati" and that he had come to retrieve a nuclear warhead from the Soviet Union that was concealed in a blue plastic cow in the basement, according to a report on WBIR-TV. Smith got trapped, he said, after he received a phone call aborting the mission because the cow was actually supposed to be in a museum in Memphis. He said he had entered the Museum of Art by being lowered from a "CH2 Huey" helicopter, but police rejected everything Smith said except his name.