Disaster Movie

COURTESY PHOTO From the left, Nicole Parker, Gary "G-Thang" Johnson, Matt Lanter, and Crista Flanagan in "Disaster Movie."
Running Time: 88 minutes
MPAA rating: PG-13

In "Disaster Movie," it takes less than 30 seconds before someone falls into a pile of poop.

Actually two: A caveman in a "10,000 BC" spoof, and you, for actually paying money to experience this cinematic equivalent of irritable bowel syndrome. "Disaster Movie" is the latest affront to comedy by the same dorks who inflicted "Meet the Spartans," "Superhero Movie" and "Date Movie" on a reluctant public.

So, if you've seen any of those atrocities, you pretty much know the drill: String together a bunch of year-old pop culture references, popular movies and ... that's about it. No attempts at real humor; all that's required from the audience is that you simply recognize the reference.

And if you don't get the reference, that's OK. The movie makes sure to announce everything for you, just in case you don't recognize the celeb looknot so-alikes ("Hey, look it's Jessica Simpson," "Amy Winehouse, what are you doing here?").

If what I've written so far hasn't dissuaded you from seeing "Disaster Movie," then consider this: The only celebrity they could get to star in this abortion is Kim Kardashian. Oh, and I use the term "celebrity" quite wrongly. And yet, "abortion" seems to fit.

After writing all this justifiably negative stuff about "Disaster Movie," I'm wracking my brain to find at least one good thing to say about it.

Hmmmm ... Nope. I got nuthin'.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.