Death Race

Running Time: 105 minutes
MPAA rating: R

"Death Race" is a remake of the 1970s cult classic "Death Race 2000." The original was great campy fun. It was shot on a budget of about 30 bucks and looked it. What made "Death Race 2000" a great little movie is that everyone involved knew they were making a cheap exploitation flick and had big hoohah fun with the project.

There is nothing fun about the new version.

"Death Race" is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, a man who never met a movie he didn't puke all over. This is the clown responsible for the abysmal "Alien vs. Predator." I rest my case.

The film stars Jason Statham as a guy named Ames who is framed for the murder of his family in order to get him to compete in the Death Race — a pay-perview goldmine where convicts race in super-charged, heavily armed cars. Only the winner survives. Win five races, win your freedom.

The film also stars Joan Allen as Warden Hennessey. Why she took this gig is beyond all logic, but dang if she doesn't chew up the scenery. Just watching her spew the most bizarre strings of vulgarity you will ever hear is the only redeeming parts of the picture. Not because it's well-written, but because it's so poorly written and spoken with such conviction that you just sit there cocking your head like a puppy that's just heard a confusing sound.

The action scenes are a complete mess. Lots of blurry, shaky-cam jump cuts that confuse and frustrate viewers instead of thrilling them. The only way "Death Race" could've been worse is if Uwe Boll directed it. I can't recommend this movie to anyone — except people I hate.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.