LATEST FILMS

Running Time: 90 minutes
MPAA rating: R
GRADE: A+
(An über-ironic A+)

"The Happening" is the latest offering from M. Night Shyamalan -- Hollywood's most self-indulgent filmmaker. That he is still allowed to inflict his poorly conceived claptrap on an unwilling populace is a testament to how much Hollywood hates us.

Make no mistake: "The Happening" is a bad movie. Really bad. It is "Wicker Man" bad. It is "Showgirls" bad (only without the drag queen appeal).

Thankfully, it is such a bad movie that you can't NOT miss it. "The Happening" plummets to such depths of ridiculousness and horribility (yes, horribility. It's a word. I know, cuz I just made it up) that it makes the oeuvre of Uwe Boll seem Kurosawaesque.

Here's the premise: The trees are mad at us. So, to get their revenge on the humanity that has despoiled the planet, the trees -- without the use of a lab, government grant or opposable thumbs -- conspire and create an airborne neurotoxin that makes humans go bonkers and kill themselves in elaborate ways.

Wait. It gets better.

The scientist (OK, not really. He's a high-school science teacher) who discovers this is played by Marky Mark. Yes, Marky Mark. Formerly of the Funky Bunch. He's such a brilliant mind that, at one point in the film, he decides to escape the Killer Trees by leading his ragtag group ... INTO A FOREST.

Oh, sure, there are a few legitimately good bits, like when the zookeeper throws himself to the lions or the guy who lets his lawn mower run over him. But most of the truly good bits happen during the first 15 minutes of the movie.

The rest is pure Badness.

I'm not going to suggest you see "The Happening" in the theater. But definitely rent it when it comes out on video. Make a few pitchers of margaritas, invite some friends and enjoy the train wreck.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.