Meet the Spartans

PHOTO BY DOUG HYUN/KING FEATURES Carmen Electra, Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo and a cast of... dozens... parody the film "300."
Running Time: 84 minutes
MPAA rating: PG-13

"Meet the Spartans" is the latest affront to comedy by the makers of "Epic Movie" and "Date Movie." It's supposed to be a spoof of last year's "300," but really it's nothing but an hour or so's worth of gay jokes, poop jokes and profoundly unfunny pop culture references.

I'm tempted to say that "Meet The Spartans" is the worst movie ever made, but I will resist that temptation because I don't want anyone reading this review to think, "Oh, it can't be THAT bad," and then go to theater and find out I was right.

Someone needs to let writer/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer know that in order to make a comedy, you first need to know HOW JOKES WORK. Simply making a pop culture reference is not a punchline. Having one of your characters turn into a giant robot so you can reference the "Transformers" movie from last year isn't a joke. Having celebrity look-a-likes who don't look like the celebrities they're supposed to be lampooning, so that characters have to constantly refer to them by name, "Look, it's Paris Hilton," is also an overused gag.

Although the official running time is listed as 84 minutes, that's not exactly true. The film is only 64 minutes long - barely an hour. The remaining 20 minutes is the ending credits featuring scenes that didn't make the main movie.

Now, I'm no lawyer, but I'm pretty certain that inflicting this film onto the American public qualifies as a hate crime.

Don't become a victim.

(c) 2007 King Features Synd., Inc.